Part Five
The Bloody Marriage Fiasco
After two months of watching their shy friend Robot court Tatanya Positronic Banana,
Beireia and Chappy became discontent with their own relationship. They felt like
they had been stuck in a rut for 16 years, although it was really just a week, or
maybe two. Chappy noticed that not enough people payed attention to him. Beireia also noticed
the same thing. To find an answer to their problem, the two set off on a voyage,
not notifying the others of their departure. Shortly later, Robot came to the door
of Chappy's room, knocking lightly. He was very nervous, and the reason for his nervousness
was that he wanted to ask Tatanya Positronic to be his date to the prom of the wrecker
school. He had come to ask Chappy Chappy for advice as to how this could be done.
This was not really a good idea, Chappy would not be able to help him. He is very ignorant
in the ways of love, and also completely insensitive to the feelings of others. Nevertheless,
it was his advice that had brought Robot here. Robot called, but could get no response. "Perhaps I should come back later." he thought, but he decided against
waiting, being of impatient nature. And so, he smash'd the door down, and trod upon
the splinters. However, there in the room, he did not find them, for they were not
there. Confused, Robot wandered here, and he wandered there, but the two starring characters
were nowhere to be found, well, nowhere in the Banana house, anyway. Terror gripped
his heart. Without Chappy's advice, he would never get Tatanya to go with him, or
so he thought. So convinced, he set out on a journey of his own, and the purpose was
to find Chappy Chappy and Beireia.
Meanwhile, the heroes in question were searching all over the world for the answer
to their dilemma. They explored ancient ruins and temples and stuff, and they fought
all sorts of wacky monsters. And they had to sleep outside all the time, and climb
up mountains, and they were tired and dirty, but they did not mind, for they knew that the
answer drew near. As well as clues to the answer, they also found treasures, and
they carried these along with them, until the whole batch weighed 27,538 pounds,
as well as 11 ounces. Magic books also did they find, and read, hoping to find the answer.
Alas, no hints did they contain, just a bunch of stupid spells. Finally, Beireia
stumbled upon an ancient text that described the location of the glass temple, which
contained the essence of knowledge. "Ouch! my toe!" said she. "Who put this stupid text here
for me to stumble on, huh?" Chappy agreed, certainly the essence of knowledge would
solve all of their problems, and even if it did not, it would be pretty damn cool
to smash the temple of glass. Beireia wondered who he was agreeing with, since she hadn't
said anything about all that, she was complaining about her toe, but she decided
that she didn't really care, and so they proceeded onward. The temple of glass was
way out in the middle of the ocean (I forget which one), like floating above it, so Chappy decided that they should build a boat to go there.
While they do that, let's go see how Robot is doing.
Robot's plan was simple: he would go to the library, and check all the newspapers,
looking for unusually long obituaries lists. Whenever Chappy Chappy and Beireia went
on a journey, they tended to kill whatever they came across. "Therefore..." he reasoned,
"If I check out every place that is having a bunch of killings, I should be able to
find them!" And so, he set off for the Rosenberg library, which is the one that he
knew about, and so was the logical choice. (Remember, I said he was a clever lad) There in the library, he hunted down a timid librarian, and subdued him with a book
from the oversize books shelf. "If you want to check newspapers, you need to go upstairs
to the microfiche thingy" the librarian revealed upon intense questioning. Robot
thanked him, and then tied him up and placed him in the closet so he wouldn't be able
to warn the others. He then sneaked up the stairs and began searching for tiny fish,
because the librarian had not told him what microfiche was, and Robot did not know
already. As he lifted a file cabinet to see if there were microfish underneath it, a large
security guard asked if he could he help him, except he said it like "What the hell
are you doing, kid?" Robot responded by telling him that he could help by lifting
up all the file cabinets for him. But, alas, at that moment, the security guard recognized
him: "Hey! you're that wacko who fixed the grades in the art history class!" Fortunately,
Robot had brought the oversize book with him, just in case, and with it, he subdued the security guard, and threw him in the closet with the librarian. While he
was at it, he decided to ask him where the microfish were kept. After that whole
deal was cleared up, he thanked the librarian, and began to look through all the
newspapers. Unfortunately for him, Chappy and Beireia had gone up in the mountains, and so none
of the newspapers or magazines had anything about them, except for some stupid fashion
article in "People", which Robot didn't care about. He then decided to quit looking
in the library and just wander about looking for them.
Into the getto Robot went, because that's where everyone usually winds up if they get
lost. "All roads lead to the getto." he told himself, and proceeded onward. However,
there in the getto, he did not find them, for they were not there. By now, enough
time had passed that Robot had forgotten why he was looking for Chappy Chappy, and the
date of the wrecker school's prom was only one day away. Back at the Banana house,
Tatanya Positronic was getting worried. She had, in fact, known about the prom all
along, though I don't know how, and had been hoping that Robot would ask her to go. And when
a week went by since last she had seen him, she became concerned that he had been
captured by the police for violating the house arrest. With her mother's blessing,
she set out to search for Robot herself. Gasoline Girl decided to accompany Tatanya, for
she wanted to get out of the house for a change, and besides, Robot was her friend
too. They decided to head toward the beach, because they had not been there before.
Tatanya had to leave the bananamobile behind, so they walked to the hole where the Gasoline
house had once been, and took their car. It did not start at first, for it had been
sitting where the garage had been for two months, exposed to the elements, but it
still worked, and so off they went. Onto Interstate 42 they drove, and that was the way
to get to the beach, Tatanya had no time to waste getting lost. There on Interstate
42 a pickup truck pulled up alongside them. I will not describe the various accessories that this truck was equipped with, for that has been done too often by people other
than myself. Suffice to say that the truck overflowed with rednecks, I shall leave
the rest up to your own capable imaginations. And these rednecks had rolled down
their window so that they could yell at the two girls. However, the wind blew hard, and the
words never reached their destination. The persistent red-necks did not give up,
however, and cleverly wrote these words down onto a sign and shewed it to Tatanya
Positronic and Gasoline Girl. "Shew us yer tits" the sign read. But the girls did not shew
them, but were only upset by the crude advances of the uncultured clods. "Curse this
stupid little car!" Tatanya exclaimed, she was driving, by the way. "Oh how I would
like to ram them off of the road! If I were driving the Bananamobile, I would do just
that!" However, no ramming was possible in the small auto of the Gasoline family.
Tatanya Decided that she would have to think of another plan.
Her plan was this: She would drive until a bridge abutment drew near, and there she
would maneuver the car so that the rednecks would have to turn to avoid a collision,
but they themselves would not. Then, well before the fools detected danger, Gasoline
Girl would make as if she were about to remove her shirt, distracting them. Gasoline
Girl did not like this part of the plan, but agreed when Tatanya reminded her that
she had been completely naked for a large part of chapter three, so pretending to
take off a single layer made little difference. Their plan worked well, and the rednecks did
indeed ram into the bridge abutment, smashing their truck. Much to Tatanya's disappointment,
plastic barrels full of water absorbed most of the impact, and it looked as if all survived. Gasoline Girl argued that this was a good thing, but Tatanya countered
with the irrefutable argument that they were jerks. At long last, they came to the
beach. There on the sandy shores, much to their surprise, they found Chappy Chappy
and Beireia wading out of the sea, carrying what appeared to be 27,538 pounds of treasure.
Astonished, the two girls ran to meet the wayward heroes, asking what were they
doing there? And they began to recall their tale, but since they aren't as good at
telling stories as I am, we'll just go into a flashback.
Four days and forty nights the adventurous pair sailed onward, ever nearing the temple
of glass. Their boat, dubbed the S.S.Nid, was solidly built of boards and pitch and
all of that stuff. Finally, they arrived at the temple of glass, or rather beneath
it. "What shall we do now?" Chappy Chappy pondered, for the temple of glass was at least
200 meters above the water, and that's even more than two football fields!! Fortunately,
Beireia had learned a flying magic spell from one of the ancient mystical tomes that they had read, (she's good at finding stuff in books, I think she was a researcher before she started
questing) and she flew them up to the temple. It had a big hall of mirrors area, and they found
a few treasures in there, but mostly old clothes, nothing really useful. At the end
was a large overstuffed sofa. Upon this very sofa sat an old and wizened man. He
opened his old mouth and spake thusly: "You have done well to get this far, travelers,
but unless you can complete the next two tests, you will go no further" Chappy and
Beireia agreed to these terms, although secretly they intended to slay the old man
should he attempt to bar their progress. He was probably just an old fool with no business
there, anyway. More words issued from his old mouth, he said that "The first test
you must overcome is one of knowledge: what is an eight letter word for 'slay' ending
with an 'h'?" And Chappy immediately responded "dispatch". The old man thanked them and
filled it in on his crossword puzzle with a pen clutched in his old fingers. This
last act of the old man confirmed their theory that the he was only a crazy, of no
consequence, and they climbed over his couch and past him. "Hey! you have to pass the third
test!" he yelled as they left. Chappy told him that they'd do it on the way back.
They worked their way through the huge temple for hours, then, finally their quest
was over! They had arrived at the sanctuary of the source of all knowledge!
It was a talking light. I don't mean a lamp, but rather a brightly glowing point, too
bright to look at. They asked the light to tell them the answer that they had traveled
so far to find. The source of all knowledge responded in a deep, echoing voice: "The answer to what question?" And then Beireia got mad, because if it is the source of
all knowledge, it should know what they were going to ask. But it responded that
it didn't know what the question was, because they did not know either. And lo, it
spoke true, they had forgotten. However, it did not take long for them to remember, and they
told it that they had not a question, but a general dissatisfaction with the current
state of affairs, particularly the relationship between Chappy Chappy and Beireia.
They wanted to know what they could do. And the light thought for a while. When it was
done thinking, it responded that an marriage ceremony would get them lots of attention.
And again Beireia lost patience, "that stupid thing doesn't even know grammar! it's
A marriage ceremony, not an! some 'source of all knowledge', pah!" It was irritated
by her outburst, but all it could say was "whatever!" Chappy offered his heartfelt
thanks, and then grabbed a sledgehammer that he had brought with him. But then the
source of all knowledge said this: "Ummm... but it won't work if you smash the temple of
glass." And both Chappy and Beireia were sorely disappointed. That was half the reason
they came to the temple of glass. They sulked back to the entrance, and jumped back
into the boat below. "But what about that old guy?" Gasoline Girl asked. Beireia explained
that they passed his third test easily because they asked the source of all knowledge
for the answer to it before they left. Although they had done a good job building the boat, it was not quite sturdy enough to withstand the impact of them falling
from a height exceeding 600 feet, holding over 13 tons of treasure. When they landed,
the poor boat immediately exploded into billions of pieces, and they sunk to the
bottom of the ocean. "It was hard swimming with all that treasure, but we finally made it,
and here we are." Chappy told them. He had not, however, told the girls what the
source of all knowledge had advised to get attention, for it was to be a surprise.
Tatanya Positronic and Gasoline Girl were both impressed, but did not forget about Robot.
They told the elder two of their search for the wayward youth, thinking that they
might have asked where he was. But, no, they did not know that he was gone when they
were in the temple of glass. Chappy suggested that they check back at the Banana house, for
he may have returned in the girls' absence. However, this was just a clever ploy
on his part, he just wanted to get a ride home, and not have to carry all of that
treasure.
You may be asking "how could that little car hold all four of them AND 13 tons of treasure??"
(well you MAY shut up!) Alas, Robot was had not returned, he was still at large. Victor Banana was relieved
to see the return of his daughter, gone these last four days, and forty nights. He
listened to her woeful tale, and he did sympathize. He decided that he should call
his younger brother,The Ultimate Lawyer: Associate Banana, to lend a hand in this seemingly
impossible task. Associate Banana always talks very fast, yet manages to come across
with an air of elegance. It would be unthinkable for him to refuse his older brother assistance if he found himself in such a position that he could facilitate the dissolution
of obstacles that hinder him. This he said, and vowed that he would arrive upon the
premises forthwith. Meanwhile, Chappy Chappy and Beireia plotted their next move. Not quite grasping the source of all knowledge's plan, and being unfamiliar with
the usual marriage rites, they thought that this marriage was to be as their many
other quests, and that if others knew about it, they would rise up to stand in their
way. They decided that they should secretly leave for the city hall as soon as they had
eaten, for they were hungry. Just as they had sat down to a steaming cup a' noodles,
the door burst open, and Associate Banana filled the room with his forceful presence.
He gave everyone a hearty greeting and then got down to business. Victor Banana told
him that they wanted help to find their friend, Robot the wrecker. "Ah! Though you
are my elder brother, and I assuredly say this with all the respect due to your position,
you certainly are a most irrational individual. I am a lawyer, true, the foremost
in my field, yet this does not mean that I am any more able to find a missing teenager,
no matter how oddly named, than you or any other member of your demented household!
I ask you, dearest brother, why then, did you call me here, the case being as I have
just said it to be?" And Ionil Banana, who had not listened to anything he said,
except for the "why then, did you call me here.." told him again about Robot and
his missing status. This occasioned a sigh of exasperation, and Associate strode out the door,
mumbling his acceptance.
Associate Banana was not happy that he had been forced into such a menial task as ascertaining
the whereabouts of a punk. And you must admit, it is something of an overkill to
have the Ultimate Lawyer himself looking around for someone. This being the case, he decided to hire a private detective or a bounty hunter or something to do the
job, while he worked on some more important cases. He dialed 1-800-CALL-YTT, which
is the number of Yttrium Jones. He told him that he wanted to have Robot brought
back to the Banana family. "A robot, huh? what kind?" the detective asked "it's not one of those
damn Mexican terminators, is it?" Associate explained that Robot was a human, though
admittedly misleadingly named. Yttrium Jones became apprehensive, saying that he
was a detective whose specialty was the occurrences of the paranormal, and surely it
was unreasonable for him to be expected to chase after some punk. "Worry not about
matters such as that, for my elder brother's family are the most aberrant congregation
of individuals ever assembled on this earth. You will undoubtedly surpass your quota for
the paranormal within moments of accepting this case." Associate Banana's speech
convinced the detective, and he agreed to find Robot.
Meanwhilst, Chappy Chappy and Beireia had proceeded under the cover of night to the
city hall of the town in which they did live, Galvetron. They knew that two people
could be married there, so that's why they came. Also with them came a news reporter,
Shoko Togakushi, who had been following them. This reporter was of a mind that the two
were up to no good, sneaking around at night like they were. As they sat upon the
steps of the city hall, she crept up into a bush to listen in on their conversation.
And what she heard was this: "A thousand curses! no-one is inside! how are we to be married
if this is the case?" It was Beireia who said this. And Shoko did gasp in horror.
She quickly ran off to report this incredible event to the chief of her news show.
Chappy then told Beireia that no course of action presented itself to his imagination other
than to wait for dawn to come, and with it the people who worked inside. They agreed
to this, and then fell asleep upon the cold stone steps. When they awoke, throngs
of people surrounded them. Foremost was the reporter from last night, Shoko Togakushi.
She addressed a camera and said unto it "Here today have two of this city's greatest
scourges come together to join themselves in an unholy marriage that has the entire
populace trembling with fear. Except me, I'm not scared. These two afflictions on the
face of humanity are none other than the renowned murderers, Chappy Chappy, and
Beireia. Channel 42 brings you, live, to the scene of this awful crisis." Both became
nervous, but it was soon apparent that the crowds assembled had no power to stop the marriage
of their two greatest enemies. They then remembered that the whole purpose of this
chapter was for them to get attention, and they recognized the potential of their
current situation. "BWA HA HA HA HAA!!" laughed a triumphant Beireia "Yes, indeed we
shall be married!" here she bit her thumb at the police department, who had been
watching in helpless anger "what will you do?? HA HA HA!" Chappy joined her in maniacal
laughter, and they entered the hall together. The police became furious, and shed tears
of frustration. "Do you bite your thumb at me??" several cops were heard to shout,
which is kind of strange. Miss Togakushi commented on the grimness of the situation,
adding that she herself was not a slight bit worried, and followed after the two main
characters.
A city official, I forget what kind, asked Chappy if he was gonna marry Beireia. "I
do." he said. Just then, very dramatically, Robot crashed into the city hall, flinging
aside reporters and such. "Chappy Chappy sir! I need your help!!" he shouted, relieved
that he had finally found Chappy, but also very upset, for the day of the wrecker
school's prom was this one, and none other. Still he had not asked Tatanya Positronic
Banana to accompany him, and there was very little time left in which to do so. He
forcibly grabbed Chappy Chappy by the arm, and began to drag him away with the purpose
of soliciting advice from his role model. The crowd threw up a great cheer for Robot,
thinking that he had come to break up the marriage ceremony, and save them from the
horrible crisis. Chappy, however, did not want the focus of attention to shift away from
himself and his fiance, and so resisted the young punks pullings. "Hold on, you!
We are not done yet!" he said, and turned to resume the ceremony. But, it was not
to be, for at that time, Yttrium Jones appeared, hot on Robot's trail. He yelled wildly, exclaiming
that he had found him, and that Robot would now return with him. The chief of police
gave a start as he recognized the name. "That's that punk who fixes grades, and abuses our precious library system! open fire!!" With that, the city hall erupted
in a flurry of gunshots. Our friends, being nimble, evaded the bullets, and escaped
injury, but the poor civic official was struck in the shoulder. Chappy Chappy made
a mental note to have Ionil Banana heal him, but if your life depends on one of Chappy's
mental notes, you're pretty much doomed. He's got a bad memory. The crowd of worried
civilians, thinking that Robot was a savior delivering them from marriage, were shocked, and turned upon the police force. In the confusion, Chappy, Beireia, and Robot slipped
away, pursued by Yttrium Jones the detective, and Shoko Togakushi the reporter.
Hey, stupid! Beireia addressed Robot. "What are you doing? we were getting married
back there!" Robot did not immediately reply, for he thought he misheard her. Beireia
became frustrated, and grabbed him about the neck and began to throttle him back
and forth. "The young boy does not seem to be faring well, however..." This is what they
heard, and it was Shoko Togakushi reporting live. Who are you? Yttrium Jones asked
of her. She politely identified herself, and then resumed her commentary. But that
ended quickly, as everyone stopped what they were doing when she appeared. "Hey, are we on
TV??" Chappy asked hopefully. The answer which he received was a yes, and he began
to do silly poses, and show off his mighty flame for the people at home. Robot also
began to wave, and plug his wrecker business, as well as say hi to all his friends. Yttrium
Jones told of his detective agency, and held up a card with the 1-800-CALL-YTT number
on it. Miss Togakushi told them that hey, hey, this is news, not some talk show,
and that they should get back to what they were doing before. You guessed it, they forgot
what they were doing. They all started to mumble uncertainly, and shuffle their feet.
Robot remembered that he needed to get Chappy to tell him how he should ask Tatanya out, and so asked him in a quiet voice. And then Chappy did whisper his answer, at
which point Robot did thank him. "Oh! it looks like the boy upon whom many depended
to rescue them is actually in cahoots with the evil duo! what a disturbing turn of
events this is! but I'm not scared!" Shoko told millions of viewers, well not really millions,
but a whole bunch, including all the people who had been quarreling with the police
upstairs. They realized who their true enemy was, and began to charge about, yelling such helpful advice as: "Get 'em!" and "We was tricked!" as well as "Rethaoiate
forever!!" And some of them did find their way down the stairs, and saw Chappy and
Beireia, and charged in their direction. The group decided to run away, since the
downstairs of the city hall was not well ventilated, and burned people smells really bad.
And the intrepid young reporter followed them, but it was not entirely because of
any sense of journalistic duty, rather an instinctual desire to not be trampled to
death.
Out of the city hall they ran, across the street, and into the Federal Reserve Bank.
Most of the patrons of the bank were in the city hall, lo, the bank was nearly deserted.
"Hey, you! don't you come in here!" a security guard shouted. Chappy Chappy was going to merely run past him, but then decided that he should set a good example for
Robot, and whacked him over the head with one of those posts that hold up the cordons
so you can wait in lines without getting confused and the lines don't smoosh together,
you know? Anyway, the security guard said Ow! but did not fall down, because Chappy
had missed and hit him on the shoulder. Robot and the detective began to laugh derisively.
"Hey! watch what you're doing!" Beireia advised, for Chappy had been trying to look cool for Shoko Togakushi's camera instead of watching the security guard, this is
why he missed. Chappy embarrassedly beat the unfortunate fellow over the head several
times, for good measure, and they hurried on to the vault. This was the safest place
to be, they decided. The vault was sealed by a vast circular door, and they could not
get in. There were also some more guards, but they were a bit sharper than the other,
they ran away. "Let me handle this" Yttrium Jones said, and he opened the door, for
he was the master of unlocking. Shoko opted to stay outside and report, knowing as
she did that anyone who went in the safe would be prosecuted for grand robbery, or
something like that. She didn't know for sure, she was a reporter, not a lawyer,
dammit! (yes, I admit it was wrong of me to say that. I apologize.) By now, just about everyone was watching Shoko Togakushi's live report. And the board
of directors of the bank were among those who watched. "I think this situation calls
for someone who knows what he's doing." One of the directors said. "Yes." another
agreed "Send for.... JIM
!!" And then they began cackling maniacally like old men, because that's what they
were.
Chappy and the others had been waiting in the vault for over ten minutes, and were
incredibly bored. And, being bored, they began playing card games for gold bars that
they stole from the shelves, Yttrium Jones always carried a pack. But all was not
well, for they did not know how to play very well, and all were trying to cheat the others.
Robot considered the possibility of coming out of hiding and going home. Anxious
was he, about the rapidly approaching wrecker high prom. Just then, the ground shook
with thunderous footsteps. Curiosity overwhelmed our heroes, and they went outside of the
vault to see the source of this mighty sound. Towering over the humans, and filling
the cavernous lobby of the Federal Reserve bank was a tremendous black dragon! It
was Jim the dragon, servant of the federal reserve! "So! trying to rob the government of
the people's wealth, are you?" Jim asked them. Yttrium Jones replied in an innocent
voice that no, they were just hiding from the police. Jim asked of him, well then,
what was that he was holding, then? And Yttrium Jones was holding an armful of gold bars,
intending to make off with them. Also participating in thievery were Beireia, Chappy
Chappy, and Robot, all of them were carrying millions of dollars worth of gold, and
not making any effort to hide this fact. "Yes, you are, and you're also a bunch of liars!
Why don't you step outside, I'll teach you the errors of your ways!" Jim shouted
in anger. But Beireia replied that they'd just as soon fight inside if that was okay,
and Chappy nodded agreement. Robot and Yttrium Jones took several steps backward, for,
although they were exceptional fighters, neither was on a level to challenge a dragon.
Obviously Jim did not want to fight inside, he was so big he would have no room to
move about, so he insisted that they fight outside. In a taunting voice, he asked
if they were, perhaps, afraid? Chappy took a deep breath, "Hah! Fool! I am Chappy
Chappy, the mightiest creature" here Jim the dragon stepped on him. But Chappy is
really strong, and Jim was still standing on his other three legs, so he did not crush, and
continued his speech. "in the world! I will deal you such terrifying punishment that
you will say 'Oh! please stop, Chappy!' but I'm not gonna!!!" and with this, he cast
Jim's foot off. Beireia was not of the sort to make speeches, a woman of action was she.
She began hurling gold bars with great force at Jim's head, and he couldn't dodge
very well, because of the restricted space in the bank lobby. He roared in pain,
because it hurts to get hit with gold bars, for they are heavy. Jim the dragon was awash in
frustration. He could not swing his mighty tail, nor could he sear his enemies with
white hot tongues of flame, because then he would burn all of the bank stuff up.
The old men of the bank had not considered the tactical implications of fighting in a bank
when they sent Jim. He became angry with them, and decided to leave the bank, as
quickly as possible.
Outside, a crowd of people had gathered around the bank, milling about, and trying
to get onto Shoko Togakushi's news report. They knew that Chappy Chappy and Beireia
were inside, but were reluctant to place themselves in a place where a huge dragon
is about to step. Just then, the roof of the bank exploded, and Jim flew out. Also, at that
moment, the entire Banana clan arrived, including Gasoline Girl. They had seen Shoko's
live report, and came as fast as they could. Beireia continued to throw gold bars
at Jim, but he flew too high up, and they just fell back down, striking Chappy in the
head, so she stopped. Jim flew about, and landed in the street between the bank and
the city hall. As our friends ran out in pursuit, Tatanya Positronic Banana grabbed
Robot by the arm. The young man became very embarrassed, and he began to blush, but presented
Tatanya with several gold bars. "umm.. I uhh... got you some gold, Tatanya" he said.
And she did tell him how nice he was. "Th-The prom for my wrecker high school is
tonight, and I was wondering if.. you know, if you wanted to go with me?" As he said
this he gazed firmly at a speck upon the ground, and he fidgeted with his foot, for
he was nervous. Tatanya opened her mouth to speak, but Robot could not hear, a tremendous explosion drowned out her response. Chappy had used his upgraded mighty flame on
Jim the dragon, and Jim at that moment had attacked with his fiery breath. The two
fires combined, and reacted catastrophically, that's what happens if you mix two
sources of magical fire. Chappy was thrown across the street, and through two of the columns
at the entrance to the bank. Jim, being much larger, was not thrown at all, and Beireia
proceeded to stab him with her sword. Jim tried to get her, but she dodged about
nimbly. Chappy recovered himself, and reentered the fray. Yttrium Jones found Associate
Banana, reported the completion of his assignment, and requested his fee. Associate
Banana knew very well that Robot had already been found by Chappy and Beireia, but
he had more money than he knew what to do with, and so gave the detective a check. Tatanya
repeated her answer again, which was yes, she would be happy to go to the dance.
Gasoline Girl stated that she too would be going, for life at the Banana household
is somewhat monotonous and stressful if you aren't insane, and she wanted to take every
opportunity to leave that was available to her.
Meanwhilst, The battle between Chappy and Beireia against Jim the Dragon raged on.
Shoko Togakushi, who would be promoted far above her current position for her work
this day, continued to report live. "It is unclear in this conflict, just who is
the bad guy, and who is the good guy." she observed. "Although the dragon seems to be causing
large scale destruction, the two persons fighting it, Chappy Chappy and Beireia,
are known to be violent sociopaths." At this point, Chappy avoided a swipe of Jim's
mighty claws, and leapt upwards, plunging his ancient sword, the Vedic blade, into the dragons
armpit, hitting a major artery. Jim roared in pain, as blood showered out. Chappy
began to celebrate his victory, dancing about, and trying to sing. However, Jim was
not defeated, and drew back his tail for vengeance. Beireia warned Chappy of this danger,
and he tried to move, but could not, he kept slipping around on all the blood. Jim
struck Chappy with an incredibly forceful blow, smashing him completely through the
stone structure of the bank. A large chunk of bank was shaken off by the impact, and
fell near Shoko the reporter. It then rolled over, trapping her. Shoko became frightened
and called for help. Jim stopped suddenly at the sound of Shoko's cries. As everyone knows, all dragons have a strong desire to collect treasure, and also damsels in
distress. He flew over, snatched her up from under the rubble, and alighted again,
heading toward his lair. The crowd gasped in horror. Chappy, Beireia, Robot, Yttrium
Jones, and Tatanya Positronic all began to taunt the gigantic beast, calling him a cowardly
lizard and other names of the like, though with no effect. Beireia decided that they
should go help their friend. Shoko was not really their friend, but she could remember being around her for a while, so in the memory of Beireia, it seemed as though
she were.
The Bananas drove home, Robot and Tatanya had to get ready for the wrecker prom. Chappy
and Beireia decided that they would wander in the direction that Jim flew away. Victor
Banana had no nice clothes, so Robot was going to borrow a suit from Associate Banana. Chappy's wardrobe was of course an impossibility, all he has are T shirts and
a couple of pairs of jeans. Tatanya had planned on wearing some of her mothers clothes,
but, alas, when they arrived, none of Ionil's clothes could be found, other than
those she was wearing. She then decided to use Beireia's clothes, because she was not
there. Beireia learned how to sew recently from an ancient text, and had since been
making clothes for herself when she was not busy killing things. Most were ugly,
but Tatanya selected a dress that looked nice, and decided to wear it. Gasoline Girl was only
going to entertain herself, and did not dress up. She was sharp enough to know that
Robot would forget about her if she was not careful, so she made sure not to be left
behind. By then, the dance had nearly started. Robot started the Bananamobile, and tore
out of the driveway, he was nervous again. However, he had to turn back just as quickly,
for he had forgotten to wait for Tatanya Positronic. Once that blunder had been corrected, he made short time to the wrecker academy. "What's that big hole there?"
Gasoline Girl asked Robot. The young lad did not know, except that it had been there
as long as he could remember. Noone ever went in it, because wreckers are a superstitious bunch. They entered the gymnasium of the wrecker high school, where the prom was
being held, and beheld a wonderous sight.
Well, wonderous isn't exactly the right word, but it was fairly well decorated. Almost
all of the students at the wrecker academy were males, and several had come alone.
This being the case, Gasoline Girl was attracting a fair amount of attention. She
was not happy about this fact, for the wreckers were not a desirable lot. Many wore tuxedo
overalls, and others had neglected to wash the grease stains off of themselves. They
made zombie-like noises: "uuuuuhhhh" they said, and shambled toward poor Gasoline
Girl. She maneuvered around them and toward the refreshments table. There she hid amongst
several of the heavier wreckers who ignored her in favor of the food, and began to
fill her belly. The Bananas had forgotten to feed her the last few days, and the
pantry had been completely bare, hungry was she. Though Tatanya and Robot were enjoying
themselves, Gasoline Girl soon became bored of eating. And so she dared venture onto
the dance floor. She was a good dancer, and began to have fun, but soon the zombie
wreckers noticed her. She had been absorbed into the music, and so allowed herself to be
surrounded. The circle of zombies closed in, and one bit her neck. "OW!! hey, get
off, you pervert!" she exclaimed, for they were not really zombies. Gasoline Girl
flung him to the ground, and trod on his face, so escaping their trap, and escaping outside.
The zombies continued to pursue her, even when she left the wrecker academy. "UUuuuhhh,
yuuu daance wwwiii mmmm??" they moaned in zombie language. Gasoline Girl began to
get nervous. There were far too many of the oversolicitous wreckers for her to deal
with, but she was too considerate to interrupt Tatanya Positronic and Robot. Then
she remembered that the wreckers would not go into the big hole they had seen earlier.
Quickly she dashed into the hole, and there in the entrance she hid until the would-be
suitor zombies had left. "Aha! they've gone" she thought to herself, and began to
leave. But as she did, something on the floor did sparkle. It was a gold coin! Intrigued,
Gasoline Girl decided to explore the cave further. Since it was too dark to see deeper
in, she groped about until she found the light switch. Pausing to reflect that holes
in the ground didn't usually come equipped with light switches, she chose to ignore
this, and continued inward.
During these events, Chappy and Beireia had been busy looking for Jim the dragon, and
Shoko Togakushi the news reporter. They followed a straight path from the city hall
in the direction that Jim flew. A while ago, they had entered into the forest, and
had been knocking down trees as they went. That way, they could look back and make sure
they were going in the right direction. Chappy sat down on a fallen log to rest,
exhausted was he. "Hey, are you tired, you wimp?" Beireia asked him. Chappy responded
with a reccomendation: that she shut up, for he had been the one doing all the work knocking
down the trees, while Beireia merely watched. The reason for this was that she saw
the knocking down of trees to be a waste of time, and was opposed to the plan from
the beginning. He had forgotten this, so Beireia reminded him. It was then that an elf
emerged from the forest. "How could you humans be so cruel as to destroy all those
trees for no reason at all?" the elf sobbed. Beireia took this opportunity to point
out that it was Chappy's plan, and that she had been opposed to it. Chappy did not hear
the elf correctly. He thought that he said "cool", and began to laugh loudly. He
explained that he was Chappy, and he was really strong, that was how he did it. The
elven lad continued to cry. "I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, and make you see
that senseless destruction of nature is a terrible thing!" Chappy became alarmed
by this statement, and struck him down by throwing a rock. "I've introduced too many
new characters in this chapter already, you're out of luck!" With that they hurried to get
away before he recovered, continuing on their search for the dragon. Scarcely a mile
had they ran, when they heard a shriek of terror. It was the voice of Gasoline Girl!
Hearing this, and knowing that she must be in trouble, they hurried onward, and into
the hole outside Robots wrecker academy. Tatanya and Robot had also heard Gasoline
Girls cry, and ran out to investigate. And, having investigated the entrance of the
hole, they went no further, for they were wearing nice clothes that were not theirs, and
the hole was full of dirt and other dirty things.
In the hole, Chappy and Beireia were confronted by none other than Jim the dragon.
In one hand he held Shoko Togakushi, and in the other he held Gasoline Girl. "Haw
haw haw!" he said "now I have TWO damsels in distress!" He was laughing happily and
carrying on in this manner when Beireia and Chappy found him. Gasoline Girl encouraged them
to help her escape, but Shoko had been in the hole for several hours, and was no
longer scared, this she told them. Jim the dragon stated that since they were in
his home, the fight would have a completely different outcome than last time. "But you don't
have any room to move about, and you can't use either of your hands, since you're
holding our friends. I think you're going to be beaten worse than last time." Beireia
explained. However, he replied, she had forgotten to take into account Jim's fiery breath,
which he could now use indiscriminately, and since they were in a small hole, would
not have enough space to avoid being burned. Beireia realized that this was true.
She left the cave so as not to be burned. Chappy however, is immune to fire, so he stayed.
When she saw Beireia, Tatanya went to talk to her. Beireia explained that Chappy
would have to handle the dragon, since he was the only one who could survive the
fiery breath, continuing to ask why Tatanya was wearing her best dress. Tatanya told her
the whole story, then asked if she happened to know where Ionil Banana's clothes
could be. "Oh, I hid them under the mattress on my bed. I wanted to see how long
it would take her to notice." Meanwhile, in the cave, Jim was trying to convince Chappy that he
would die. "Ho Ho!" He exclaimed "Do you not believe me when I say that I shall skorch
you with my breath?" Chappy pretended not to hear him, and kicked at the dirt in
a menacing manner. Jim spewed a geyser of flame, engulfing Chappy Chappy. It did not have
any effect. Chappy ran forward, jumped up onto Jim's neck, and began to slap him
in the face over and over again. Jim could not do anything except wave Shoko at him.
Shoko became sick from all the shaking, and threatened to throw up. Jim then decided that
he would have to release his captives if he was to win the fight. However, as soon
as the girls had escaped, Chappy stabbed his Vedic Blade into the dragons shin, and
then ran out of the cave himself. Jim did not follow, because his shin hurt, and Chappy
collapsed the entrance to the cave by blasting it with his mighty flame. "Oho! clever!"
the wreckers commented, obviously impressed with Chappy's ingenuity, even though
anyone could have thought of it. Beireia asked didn't he think that Jim would just dig
his way back out, since it was he who dug the hole originally? But Chappy replied
in a knowing tone that it is harder to dig a hole from the inside, though that doesn't
really answer the question.
Having defeated the dragon, Chappy Chappy went in to the wrecker academy to celebrate
his victory, and everyone followed him, or rather, preceded him, they got impatient
and passed him up because he was walking really slow to be dramatic. Tatanya and
Robot continued to dance, and even Chappy and Beireia gave it a try, although they have
no rhythm. They got tangled up, and they tripped each other a lot, and got mad, also,
eventually deciding that dancing was stupid. Gasoline Girl had no more trouble with
amorous wreckers, for Shoko Togakushi had let her use her can of 'Zom-B-Gon' zombie repellent.
The dance continued late into the night, until eventually they all had to pile back
into the Bananamobile and drive home. Everyone slept soundly, everyone except Shoko Togakushi, who was wondering how she had wound up in such a strange house. But
she found her way out and escaped, there are too many people living there anyway.
When Chappy and Beireia awoke they found themselves in a courtroom, filled with all
the usual courtroom people. "Chappies and Beireia, you are here to be tried for the attempted
robbery of the Federal Reserve bank, aggravated assault, disturbing the peace, and
some other legal stuff." the judge told them. They had been arrested while they
slept, and carefully brought to the courtroom. Nearly all of the city authorities were
working together to destroy our two friends, and were going around any laws that
did not work to this purpose. This was a gross violation of their rights, and almost
anyone would be able to have the charges dropped. Like most of the characters in this story,
Chappy and Beireia were renowned for being completely ignorant of many things that
almost anyone knew. The conspirators had also figured that they would probably try
to defend themselves. This ordinarily would have been true, but they remembered that their
good friend Victor Banana's brother was the Ultimate Lawyer, and decided that these
presumptuous fools should be punished as thoroughly as possible.
The judge banged his gavel and asked Beireia and Chappy Chappy "how do you plead?"
Beireia tripped Chappy as he got up to do the "like this" gag, and asked of the judge
why they did not have a lawyer to represent them. "Uhh... you want a lawyer?" he
responded, clearly unsettled by this turn of events. "Well, yes, isn't that the way these
things usually go?" Beireia continued. Chappy added that they had a particular lawyer
in mind and would it be okay if they went to call him right now? The judge seemed
nervous that they had asked, but said that an attorney could be provided if they
were unable to afford one. "Oh, no, we have plenty of treasure with which to hire the services
of a lawyer!" Chappy said this, and having said it, vaulted over that little fence
thing that they have in courtrooms, and they were both out the door before anyone
could stop them. A normal person would have taken this opportunity to escape , but you
will remember that these are not normal people. Unfortunately, the pay phones would
not accept any of the gold coins that Chappy tried to use to call Associate Banana.
Being short of time, he decided to go with the first solution that entered his head, and
this was to punch the telephone until something good happened. It seems like a very
stupid plan, but after the fifth punch, the belly of the telephone burst, and quarters
spewed all over the floor. He then began to gather them up, and Beireia made the call,
explaining the situation as thoroughly as she could remember. Associate Banana asked
for clarification. "So they did not arrest you, and neither did they read you your
rights or anything like that, is this, what I have said, correct?" Beireia conveyed
agreement. "Very well, I shall arrive shortly, this should not take long." Beireia
hung up the phone and they returned to their place, you know, where the defendants
sit. The congregated peoples who sat in the courtroom began to get nervous then, for they
did not know if their plan would work if someone who actually knew what the laws
were was to stand in defense of the hated pair. The judge, however, knew that the
entire jury were firmly biased against our friends, and was coolly confidant. He then asked
why did Chappy have all those quarters. "Aha ha! I found them in my pocket! aha ha
ha!" he replied. The judge reminded Chappy that he was under oath, because he was
quite clearly lying. Chappy then reminded the judge that no, he was not under oath, they were
still waiting for his lawyer to show up. Just then a screeching of tires was heard
outside the courthouse. The assembled conspirators began to murmur expectantly. What
manner of unbalanced attorney had the felonious psychopaths managed to unearth, they
wondered. The oaken double doors of the courtroom were thrown open. "Let us finish
this with the greatest possible precipitance, I left my playstation on pause." Associate
Banana said as he strode arrogantly to the defendant's bench.
Panic swept through the courtroom, as the conspirators realized they would have to
contend with The Ultimate Lawyer himself. Many of the people of the audience were
frozen in awe, and several members of the jury asked for Associate Banana's autograph,
which he gladly gave over. And then the judge did allow him to make an opening statement.
This he did with unspeakable eloquence, making it clear that abducting Chappy Chappy
and Beireia as they slept was a shameful violation of their rights. He continued,
saying that the destruction of the Federal Reserve Bank was completely due to the actions
of Jim the dragon, who was in turn employed by the bank board of directors themselves.
Additionally, he pointed out that the police had thoughtlessly ruined their wedding, and then chased them into the bank vault. Finally, Associate Banana gave a moving
account of Chappy's heroic deeds of the previous evening at the wrecker prom, establishing
beyond the shadow of a doubt that he and Beireia were two very valuable citizens
to have around. The jury, moved to tears announced their unanimous verdict of not
guilty. "Hey, the prosecution has to speak, too!" cried the indignant judge. However,
the prosecuting attorney replied that he did not wish to speak, he was too exited
by his autograph from The Ultimate Lawyer. Devastated by his failure, and terrified of the
consequences of his exposed treachery, the judge began to cry. Chappy laughed derisively,
and threw quarters at him as he left the building. Our two heroes managed to thank Associate Banana over the din of the exultant throng, and returned to his elder
brother's home, where noone had been aware of their absence. "Do you not feel as
though we have forgotten about something?" Beireia asked of Chappy. "No." he replied.
End of Part Five
Chapter Five and a Half