Part Six

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It was a hot summer day at the Banana house fields. The slaves were working diligently, and Chappy Chappy was supervising diligently. "Work harder!" he suggested, striking the nearest slave across the back with his whip. Beireia, who had come out to join Chappy, noted that he was not using the whip correctly. Rather than cracking it, he simply swung as if it were a stick, and it merely thumped across the backs of the slaves. Beireia took the whip from Chappy, saying that she would show him how. And this she did, lashing the unfortunate serf between his shoulders. The hapless vassal screamed, and fell to the ground, twitching and writhing in unspeakeable agony. Chappy then stated this reaction as the reason for his incorrect whip handling. Beireia, although embarrassed, did not relax her confident demeanor. She replied that she had set an example for the other slaves, and pointed out that those remaining were working almost twice as hard. Chappy admitted that this was true. Minutes after he admitted this, however, all of the slaves fainted from heatstroke. Not wishing to be associated with this catastrophic event, the two returned to the Banana house. No sooner had the insensible workers left their field of vision, than Chappy and Beireia forgot the entire incident. Bored, they decided to continue their current hobby, giving subliminal messages to Gasoline Girl.
Constantly in search of entertainment, our friends are. In an attempt to form a real-life soap opera love triangle, Chappy Chappy and Beireia had been trying to make Gasoline Girl fall in love with Robot. To this end, whenever she fell asleep, Gasoline Girl would soon have two mischevious voices whispering "you like Robot" into her ears. However, the thought that this most often induced was: "I wish they would shut up and let me sleep!" By Chappy's mode of reasoning, Gasoline Girl would not hear them if she was asleep, so he and Beireia woke her up first before subjecting her to their subliminal suggestions. Despite the inconsistencies between the Chappy/Beireia method and conventional wisdom, they were beginning to get results. Gasoline Girl attributed these results more to the fact that Robot was the only guy her age she ever saw, now that school had let out. Robot was already going out with Tatanya Positronic Banana, Gasoline Girl's good friend, so she chose to resist her attraction and avoid Robot. This became very akward, since they both lived in the same house. "I think Gasoline Girl hates me!" Robot exclaimed to Tatanya. Tatanya thought this was strange, and decided to talk to Gasoline Girl to find out what was wrong. Once the truth was revealed, she became filled with a spirit of vengeance. "Damn that Chappy!" she exclaimed, and stormed off to confront the damned one.
Unfortunately for Tatanya, Chappy Chappy had heard her outburst, and ran into the fields, escaping her wrath. He pretended to be a slave, poking at the ground with a stick, and thinking to himself "she'll never get me here!" Tatanya, however, did indeed see him, since he looked nothing like the other slaves. She decided that letting him toil in the fields under the cruel midday sun was punishment enough for the time being, and so gave up on her pusuit. As soon as her back was turned, Chappy dropped his stick and returned to the house, pausing briefly to comment loudly on how good the air conditioning would feel. Tatanya had underestimated Chappy's shrewdness, and so responded just as he had planned. When she returned, Robot was nowhere to be found. She searched all over, but no sign of him could she find. Both the Bananamobile and the Gasoline family's car were still parked outside the house, also Robot's wrecker. Soon she had to cease her search, and come to supper. Ionil asked where 'that boy' was. Replying that she did not know, Tatanya also added "This is all your fault!!" meaning Chappy Chappy of course. Chappy slapped her in the head as hard as he could. "She's delirious!" he shouted. SLAP!! "Talking nonsense!" SLAP!! "Lost her marbles!" he persisted. Tatanya halted the assault with a powerful uppercut, then proclaimed her sanity, and began to explain her position, but stopped when she realized that it didn't make much sense after all. "Like I said, you've gone insane" Chappy said. "Come over here so I can slap you some more." Victor Banana informed Chappy in a firm tone that he had slapped his daughter more than enough. "You don't want her to stay insane, do you?" asked Beireia. Victor replied that no, he did not want a crazy daughter, but he was fairly certain that a prolonged succession of blows to the head would do little to improve her mental condition. Gasoline girl interrupted the argument to tell them all that Tatanya was not insane, Robot was indeed missing. Sensing an excuse for a quest, Chappy and Beireia rushed off to grab their swords, and look for the missing youth.
Where was Robot, you ask? Well, you've come to right paragraph, because this is the one where I describe his predicament. He had been kidnapped by Honeycut Posterino, the sole survivor of a group of foos who had been the previous owners of the Bananamobile. She had been reminded of her narrow escape from Beireia and Chappyy by Shoko Togakushi's news report, and decided to get revenge. Robot, however had never met her, though, and had no idea that he should be wary of her. Honeycut, knowing this, had lured him to her hideout by claiming to be a job interviewer for a major wrecker company. Robot was no fool, and had already decided that she was up to something, even before she tied him to a chair. "Hey, what's with these ropes?" he asked. "And why does it say 'Honeycut's Hideout' on your apartment door?" Miss Posterino laughed evilly. "Quiet, you! you are my hostage! I am going to use you to get revenge on your friends!" (oh yeah, she wanted to avenge all of her foo friends that Chappy and Beireia had killed.) Robot replied that she should not bother, they spend all day revenging each other, and they were probably better at it than she was. "I mean, no offense, but your arms are awfully puny looking. Chappy can lift like four hundred thousand pounds or so. I'd say one of his punches is worth several billion of yours." Honeycut did not respond favorably to Robot's advice. "Well, sir," she replied "I was thinking that, since they killed my friends, and you are their freind, maybe.. I could.. kill you, and get revenge that way. Do you think that would work, hmm?" Robot responded that the only one who would notice was Tatanya, against whom she held no grudge. "Damn!" the former foo lamented. "I thought the blond guy and that chick were your friends!" He told her that they were, but they were so forgetful, nothing could bother them for more than a day. Honeycut Posterino thought about this, and decided that she could at least ransom Robot for the return of the Bananamobile.
Before Chappy Chappy and Beireia had left the Banana house, a ringing sound stopped them. "What's that noise?" an alarmed Ionil Banana asked. Gasoline Girl answered her. "It's the phone. The thing that has buttons and you use it to talk to people who are far away." Victor Banana answered the phone. He listened for a minute, then hung up and told the others that Robot had been captured, and would only be returned when they gave the Bananamobile to the kidnapper. "Oh my god! who would want to kidnap poor Robot??" Gasoline Girl wondered aloud. Victor Banana shrugged his shoulders, implying that the kidnapper did not reveal her identity. "I'll bet it's that Honeycut Posterino from chapter three" Chappy ventured conversationally. Tatanya was surprised by this conclusion, and asked how he knew, which was a pretty silly question. Unfortunately, I have not yet decided where Honeycut was staying, so Chappy could not go rescue Robot. Dissappointed by the turn of events that deprived him of a promising quest, Chappy sat back down and finished his meal. "Bringing him here, whoever heard of such a stupid plan? 'Hostage delivery, could I please have the ransom now?' fuuh! I never get to have any fun." he mumbled dejectedly. Beireia mumbled her agreement, also stating that she hated corn flakes without sugar. Her comment caused Tatanya to notice the meal Beireia was eating, cereal, which was odd, considering that the afternoon was well in progress. "Mother! did you forget the sugar? can't you remember anything?" Gasoline Girl pointed out that the strange thing was that Ionil was serving cereal for dinner, not that she neglected the sugar. This was because Ionil had forgotten the order of the day's meals, thinking that breakfast followed dinner as the last meal of the day.
Meanwhile, Honeycut Posterino and her captive were making their way to the Banana house. Progress was slow, however, as she had forgotten where it was. "Where did you get this car?" Robot asked. She replied that she got it by stealing. Robot continued conversationally, asking why, if she was able to steal cars, she didn't just steal the Bananamobile. He added that they probably would not have even missed it, they would probably forget that it existed. "But I guess you can't, since you already told them that you wanted it." "Did you hear me?" Robot did not pick up quickly on the more subtle aspects of conversation. Here he thought that her failure to respond indicated only a hearing diffuculty, and not extreme embarrasment, which was actually the case. "GEE! YOU SURE WENT TO A LOT OF TROUBLE FOR NO REASON!!" he screamed. "THAT WAS PRETTY STUPID!! HA! HA! HA!" Overcome with anger, Honeycut spun to face him and prepared to deliver a scathing verbal assault, but met instead with further frustration when she saw that Robot was not paying attention to her. Instead he was concentrating on the ground, which was rapidly approaching them from the front, contrary to the proper state of things, as far as automotive travel goes. "AAAAAHH!!! We're falling!!" she screamed. Robot expressed assent with the former of her two arguments. "AAAAAHH!!!" he agreed. The car and ground did not wholly concur with them. "CRUNCH!!!!" they corrected.
The first thing Robot noticed when he awoke was the sound of an old man cackling manically. The second thing he noticed was that he was manacled to the wall. He opened his eyes to see the evil hunchbacked figure of Clawson standing before him. In his disoriented state, the only thing Robot could think to wonder about was who was cackling maniacally, since Clawson's mouth was not moving. As if to answer him, the elderly villain ambled over to a stereo, and pressed the stop button. Abruptly, the laughing ceased. "It is about time you woke up! I've had to listen to that thing for a quarter of an hour while he waited for you to wake up!" a bruised and bloodied Honeycut Posterino told him accusingly from her own spot on the wall. Robot asked their antagonist why he needed a tape to do his laughing. "I have you now, batman." he answered. "What?" the confused pair of prisoners asked. "I have you now, Batman!" he repeated, with more conviction this time. "You will never escape from this trap! ha ha ha! But I must ask this: who is your lady friend?" "That's Bat-Girl." Robot replied, much to Honeycut's irritation. Clawson muttered that he did not need Bat-Girl, and released the manacles on her wrists. "Hey! what about me?" Honeycut demanded as Bat-Girl ran off. Clawson decided that he did not need her either, and released her as well. Since Robot had been mean to her, or so she thought, she saw no reason to help him, and left.
When Honeycut Posterino inevitably failed to show up with Robot, Chappy Chappy decided to go find them. "Calm down Chappy, it's only been a minute since she called, she couldn't possibly have gotten here!" Tatanya reasoned. Chappy admitted that she was right, and agreed to curb his impatience. "Oh, are you growing flowers now, Chappy?" Ionil asked. He replied that no, he meant like the personality trait, impatience. They waited for a while longer, then Chappy eventually decided that he could wait no longer. He took the keys to the Bananamobile, and grabbed his sword. "If she comes, you will have to defeat her immideately before she can get her guard up." he told Tatanya, and with that, he left. Beireia, who had been watching TV, did not hear him leave. When Gasoline Girl asked why she didn't go with him, it was too late to catch up. Beireia motioned to the television "I haven't seen this one, hahahaha!!" she answered, trying to look as if it was intentional. Gasoline Girl was skeptical, and asked what could be so funny about the life cycle of the seven year cicada, but did not bother to stay for the answer, since she knew it would be stupid.
Meanwhile, Honeycut Posterino was facing a personal dillemma. She still wanted to get the Bananamobile back, but she no longer had a robot to trade for it. She had gone to radio shack and bought one there, but it was a shoddy robot, and would not likely fool them. "Still, maybe the flashing lights and beeps and such will distract them" she told herself, and with that, conitinued toward stately Banana Manor, which is on the map of the city where they're at, in case you were wondering. "Hey! she didn't bring Robot!" Tatanya immediately observed upon her arrival. Honeycut kept her cool, and told the assembled hordes (I guess seven people can be a horde, if they try hard enough) that yes, she had decided to change the original plan. They would give her the Bananamobile, and then she would drop Robot off at his wrecker academy. "Since I'm outnumbered, I can't place myself at your mercy" she added, hoping it would make her story believable. Beireia laughed at Honeycut. "You probably lost him, or let him escape!!" she guffawed. Ionil asked her to repeat herself "I can't understand you when you guffaw". Beireia did so, being careful with her enunciation. "Dear me!" Ionil exclaimed, "is she really that stupid?" Beireia responded, saying yes, she was. Honeycut denied these charges vehemently, going so far as to tell them to shut up, but was unable to convince them that Robot's absence was intentional. Tatanya told her that anyway, Chappy had taken the Bananamobile, so they couldn't give it to her even if they wanted to, which they didn't. Beireia began to get exited, and shouted threatening phrases, saying that she would not escape alive. Honeycut then became nervous. In a desperate attempt to forestall her demise, she claimed to have Robot with her after all. She then activated the toy from radio shack and placed it on the ground before her enemies. However, neither Tatanya nor Gasoline Girl were taken in, they merely became irritated, and told her that Robot was not really a robot, that's just his name. "It's a common error" they explained. Beireia and Victor Banana, however, were fascinated by the flashing lights and beeping noises. "Wow!" they exclaimed. Tatanay admonished them, saying that they must get up and pursue Honeycut, for she was getting away, also pointing out that the robot was just a distraction. "No way, I won't! This thing's cool!" Beireia replied. Ionil did not give chase, because her short term memory had just filled up and cleared itself, she was currently trying to remember who all of the people around her were. Gasoline Mom and Gasoline Dad also remained still, because they are only minor characters. And so, Honeycut Posterino managed to escape once more.
Having been foiled on both her attempts for revenge, and for reclaiming her lost ride, Honeycut Posterino saw no choice but to flee Galvetron. Once she had put several miles between her and the Banana manor by running through the woods, she tried to hitchike out of the city, her legs were tired. Fortunately, a car pulled over before she had been at it long. "Wow, thanks..." she began, before noticing that the glistening green hull of the stopped car was very familiar. An icy ball of terror clenched in her stomach as she slowly lifted her gaze to see the driver. It was Chappy Chappy, grinning devilishly. "HA!" he exclaimed, and threw a balled up bit of paper at her, which struck her directly in the forehead. Laughing maniacally, he tore off again before Honeycut could react. When she overcame her shock and uncrumpled the ball of paper, she saw that it read: "I'll get you later!! hahahaha!!" She decided that, unless she could safely return Robot to his friends, they would surely hunt her down and slay her for revenge. Having resolved thusly, she set off for the underground laboratory of the evil Clawson. As this was going on, the aforementioned elderly villain was describing his feindish engine of doom in which our young hero was imprisoned. "As summer gives way to autumn, and autumn gives way to winter, migratory birds will begin to fly south, sightly altering the distribution of mass of the earth. These solar arrays will detect the subtle changes in the gravitational field, as well as the reduced intensity of the sunlight, and produce energy to power this oven, raising the temperature of the room, causing all that food over there to rot, instigating a proliferous spawning of deadly bacteria, causing you to DIE!!! ha ha hack hack cough!" the old moron explained. Robot barely managed to prevent himself from commenting on the efficiency of this trap. "You fiend!" he exclaimed instead "uhh... you'll never get away with this!!" To which Clawson merely laughed. Well, actually he only activated the tape player and let the prerecorded laugh track speak in his stead.
Although he was in no immediate danger, Robot was nervous. Would the others remember him long enough to help him? Even if Chappy Chappy and Beireia decided to make finding him a quest, his safety was not necessarily assured. They tended to take the most inderect path possible to any goal, and their route from the Banana house to Clawson's underground lair would likely involve a trip to Florida, via the Himalayas. However, despite his apprehension he was confident that he would eventually escape. "Tatanya at least will remember me!" he thought to himself. Unfortunately, Honeycut Posterino was the only one who knew where Robot was being kept, so his hopes were somewhat unjustified. At that time, the wily foo was making her way back down the hole which had swallowed her and Robot up earlier in the chapter and into the recesses of Clawson's lair. As she ran through the corridors, trying to remember where she had been held earlier, the elderly menace confronted her. "This is the end of the line for you, Bat Girl! You won't get past my robotic minions!" he claimed. "You don't scare me, you freak! Those are just cardboard cutouts!" This was, strangely enough, the case. Honeycut ran past the unmoving cellulose sentries and into the prison area. There she found Robot, who was great with fat, stuffing his face. She asked him why he would eat so much food, and he replied "Mm mmmmff fm fuuuff mmmf" which means 'it was going to kill me' in gluttonous pig language. Honeycut remembered that she was fairly hungry herself, and helped to finished off the last of Clawson's food. "Right, now you have to go home!" she asserted after eating, explaining that Chappy Chappy intended to kill her if she did not return Robot. The boy refused, however, claiming that he could not let his friends see him as he was, since he had swelled to a disgusting 300 pounds from all the food. He reccommended that Miss Posterino instead look for Clawson's mechanized version of himself, that is, a robo-Robot!!
The mechanized duplicate turned out to be an excellent facsimile of the youthful fellow, and Honeycut Posterino was relieved. She would be able to trade it for the bananamobile easily, and her life would be spared. "Oh! it's too heavy!" she exclaimed after failing to carry the automaton. "Hey, you're going to have to walk" she told it. However, the robot had been created and programmed for the purpose of fouling the public's opinion of Batman, and did not do as she told it. Instead it laughed diabolically and began to kick a hole into the wall. "Was that laugh really diabolical?" Honeycut asked it "You'll be a while kicking through that wall, unless you have a turbo leg or something, it's made of metal." The robot grinned and activated it's turbo leg, which quickly fell off, and kicked the wall independently. Blushing with embarrasment, the mechanical fellow deactivated the tunnelling leg and attatched it onto it's body. Honeycut suggested that the leg be placed where it was originally, and that he start acting more like a real robot. Try as she might, however, the robot was unable to convincingly mimic its namesake. Honeycut returned to the cell to ask Robot for help. "Do you have a disk that has your personality data on it?" she inquired. Of course he did not, no one has that, at least not on them, and he replied sarcastically. Then he advised her to look for Batman data among Clawson's belongings. He also cautioned her to check the data before using it, because the elderly imbicile thought lots of people were Batman. "You wouldn't want that thing to start acting like Chappy Chappy, would you?" he asked. Honeycut reassured him that she did not want that at all, and set off to look for Batman data that matched Robot. This proved to be difficult, as there turned out to be a disc for every citizen of Galvetron, and they were all labeled 'Batman'. She searched and searched, but could not find the one for Robot. Anxiety began to gnaw at her, and she worried that Chappy would find her before she could get the Robot to behave.
She needed not be concerned about Chappy, for he was at that moment occupued fleeing the Galvetron city police. Panic followed close behind the Bananamobile as he raced through the crowded downtown streets. Having become tired of running, he drove into the lobby of the nearest office building that was built so as to make this possible. He then leapt out of the car, and grabbed a hostage before the police could shoot him. "Back off, else I shall twist him in two!" he threatened. Some of the hostage's co-workers spoke up: "Eww! gross! don't!" one said. "I just mopped the floor" added the janitor. The hostage began to writhe with indignation upon hearing this, and became difficult for Chappy to hold, falling off the finger upon which he had been balanced. Seeing that Chappy no longer had a hostage, the policemen opened fire. They missed, however, killing instead an innocent houseplant. Chappy struck them over the head with his hostage, rendering them all unconcious, then was struck himself by an idea. He dragged the three inert forms into the men's room, then rearranged the clothes so that he was in the place of the hostage, the hostage was a policeman, one officer wore his prized 'Chappy' shirt, and the other was a houseplant. Chappy learned that he was pretending to be Altair Prologue, (pronounced pra-la-gwee) an advertising executive. He rode the elevator up to his office, and played it cool. "Oh! Mr. Prologue! you look a little.. different!" his secretary told him. She was not fooled at all, but decided it would be most prudent if she play along with Chappy Chappy, whom she recognized from TV. Meanwhile, a funny scene was probably taking place back at the police station where Chappy's plan was causing confusion, but I wasn't there, so I can't write about it.
Presently, Honeycut Posterino uncovered the correct Batman data disc. She stopped abruptly her jubilant rejoicing, however, when she realized that she had no idea how to transfer the data on the disc to the robot's brain. "I have to eat it" he said when she asked, but refused to do so. "They taste nasty." Honeycut wanted to put it in a sandwich or something, and thus trick him into eating it, but there was no more food left. She implored the android to eat it anyway, but he refused, and instead fled from her, afraid of the foul-tasting disc. Honeycut gave chase, but slipped on something and fell to the ground. Cursing, she reached to the ground by her feet and picked up a small metal screw, it was this which caused her to lose her footing. Wondering why the errant fastener was there, she looked up and saw a trail of assorted small machine parts, gears and cogs and such, leading to the robo-Robot. She gathered these up, and carried them to their source. Before she could explain, he yelped in delight, snatched the whole pile from her hands, and swallowed it all without chewing. "Ugh!" he moaned, his face a grimace of disgust. In his haste, he had accidentally eaten the personality CD as well. "Gross!" he continued. "Oh, shut up! how can you complain about that when you eat gears?" Honeycut reproached as she dragged him from the underground lair and into her stolen car, stopping to steal a few things on the way out. "Hey! are you a kleptomaniac, or what?" Robot 2 asked her. "What do you want with that statue? it looks evil, like you might summon the devil with it!" Honeycut told him this was absurd, it just looked valuable, she planned to sell it at the Satanist Pawn shop.
Shortly Honeycut Posterino arrived at stately Banana Manor. She leaped out of the car to find said dwelling's residents, and ducked under a length of razor wire that whirred over her head and through the tree behind her. "Damn, it missed" a nearby bush that sounded like Tatanya Positronic Banana lamented, maiking itself heard over the crunch made by the stricken tree falling onto the car Honeycut had brought. As she made her way toward the bush, Honeycut stumbled and fell over a trip wire. Five rockets blazed over her and into the wreckage of her car, blasting it to atoms, and rendering moot any suspicions that it might have survived the tree. Another bush, this one sounding like Gasoline Girl, commented that the rockets had gone high, also, and cursed Honeycut for being too short. Honeycut stood up, brushed herself off, and proclaimed loudly that she had brought the real Robot in exchange for the Bananamobile. Victor Banana retrieved the robo-Robot, and appeared not to notice the young foo that had brought him there. Honeycut beat him about the head with the tire iron, but he still refused to acknowledge her presence. Ionil Banana wandered out of the front door and commented on her husband's bedraggled appearance. "Oh! you have that boy! And the little girl from before is here also!" she exclaimed. Honeycut was irritated at being called a little girl, but ignored it and asked where the Bananamobile was. Before Ionil could say that she didn't remember, or whatever she was going to say, Tatanya explained that Chappy still had it, so she had to wait untill he returned. With that they all ran inside and locked the door behind them, then played music really loud so they could pretend not to hear Honeycut Posterino pounding on the door. Beireia, however, chose not to, and instead hurled furniture out the window of the Gasoline house, perched atop the Banana house. "Hey! what are you doing with our furniture???" Gasoline Girl inquired. To which Beireia replied: "Do not worry, it is for the cause" but could not answer what cause, and so had to stop. Unsatisfied, Gasoline Girl asked where Beireia suggested she sleep tonight. The answer she got was in her closet, or the floor or something. Beireia advised creativity. This was about all Honeycut felt like hanging around to listen to.
"Damn it!!" Honeycut Posterino cursed. She was upset at having again failed at retrieving her car, and at the Banana Family and the rest for being so stupid. She had sulked far away, down Boogagy road into the woods, cursing the names of her enemies. In her rage, she kicked and tore at a nearby tree. "Hey you!" the elf Drawkab began, but he fled when Honeycut hurled the evil-looking statue she had taken from Clawson at him. "Shut up you stupid elf!" she screamed. Huge gouts of flame erupted from the shattered statue. A tall figure stepped out of the flames to face our young foo. He had a well cut suit, and well cut shoes, each one split down the middle. Over the coat he wore a long black overcoat, which is what you usually do with overcoats. If all that wasn't strange enough, he had horns and even a goatee! wow! sounds like it's The Devil! When Honeycut overcame her initial shock, she asked the strange fellow "Why has that little demon got a 'The Man' sign?" to this he replied: "Cuz I'm the Devil! See these horns? See these cloven hooves?" at which point he held up the well cut shoes. Honeycut observed aloud that those are not hooves, they are just shoes, but the prince of darkness said close enough. "Now I assume that you summoned me here for a reason. Is it because you want me to grant you everlasting fame and fortune?" When Honeycut told him no, it was not, he made another guess, and conitinued to list all his usual requests. She explained that it was an accident, she had not meant to summon him at all. "However," she added, "I could use some help getting this car from a bunch of crazy people." Lucifer the unholy one agreed, adding that he would require her soul as payment. "My soul??" Honeycut was incredulous. "Come on, that's what you charge for eternal wealth and prosperity, this is just a car!" Dark lord Satan conceded this point, and lowered his bid to a leggo my eggo. Honeycut was skeptical as she pondered the golden brown texture of the stupid waffle, and agreed immediately. "I'll pay you later" she said. "Now let's get going" she urged.
The Devil snapped his sinful fingers and the road before them split. Tongues of hellfire spilt out, and a huge, shiny black Cadillac rose from the hole. Immediately, a pair of foos appeared. "Aw, shit, foo, them unholy rims is Tight!" one exclaimed. "Let's jack that man fo his wealth, foo" the other agreed. Satan snapped his fingers again and the foos were engulfed in hellfire and brimstone. "Damn, get this brimstone shit off me!" they moaned, before being reduced to ashes. The two conspirators then climbed in and drove off. The Devil liked to speed and drive recklessly, since those are sins. Honeycut became uneasy from the dangerous speeding, and so hid behind her fabulousness shield. Justifying her worries, the demon lord went off the road on a turn and slammed into a tree. The evil airbags deployed saving both of them, but the little demon who holds the sign flew through the air and was smooshed onto the dashboard. Satan awoke and apologised to him. "You went to sleep on purpose!" Honeycut screamed "Quit screwing around with all these stupid misdemeanors! what a mediocre devil you are!" Lucifer the Tainted Prince was offended by this statement and replied that he simply took every possible opportunity to sin. The little demon agreed heartily, and said that maintaining the Devil's blasphemous reputation took precedence, and Honeycut would have to wait to get her car.
While this was going on, Beireia saw something interesting on the television. A commercial for Bounty paper towels, it began with a shot of a man driving a tractor. The camera zoomed in to show that it was Chappy Chappy, soaking wet, driving with one hand, and loosely carrying an old military carbine rifle in the other. He turned his head around to face the camera and began. He said "I'm a..." but was interrupted by the squealing of an angry wild pig crashing out of the bushes. Chappy casually shot it five times with his rifle and caused it to squeal in pain before he continued. "I'm a Man, and I work up a Man's sweat. To deal with the foul aroma, stinging eye-pain, and associated salamanders caused by my manly moisture, I use.." Here he stopped his monologue, and shot the pig, which had continued to squeal the whole time. "Shut up!" he commanded. The pig issued a final, deafening SQUEEEE!! and erupted into a mighty geyser of blood. Chappy defended himself from the gory fountain with a single square of paper towel. Having run dry, the pig's carcass exploded into a white-hot fireball. Chappy gave the camera a triumphant grin, and said "Bounty!". The disclaimer in the end told that a mechanical pig WAS harmed in the filming of this film, so ha ha ha. Beireia, however, was nearly comatose from boredom, and did not notice anything strange. After a bit more wacky antics of David Hasslehoff and his talking car, another commercial came on. Chappy, looking bedraggled and exhausted was crawling through the desert, dragging a dead walrus. After he collapsed in defeat, a sleazy looking guy asked if he wanted some all-natural spring water, $1.75 per half-liter bottle? Chappy lifted his head, and rasped "Uhhh... Give me some regular water." The sleazy guy was dissappointed, but brought out a hose, and Chappy drank from it. The screen faded to black, and the words "Water: you have to drink it, or you'll die" appeared. "I guess that was a commercial for the water utility, but why was Chappy in it?" asked Tatanya Positronic Banana, who had sat down on the couch with Beireia. The proper state of affairs did not involve commercials with Chappy in them. This suddenly registered with Beireia, and she sprang to her feet. "That bastard! Out having fun without me, huh?" she murmured under her breath as she ran out the door. Robo-Robot reminded her not to forget her sword, and she returned, thanked him, and left, sword in hand.
Although she did not know where Chappy was, Beireia commandeered a bus, and thought of a plan. The local cable television provider would probably be the best place to check, so she ordered the bus driver to go there. He then informed her that it was not on his route, she would need to take another bus. Adapting quickly, she directed him to go to the bus station, then. The other passengers began to make noises. "I don't wanna go there" they said, and other statements of that nature. Beireia convinced them that they should go to the bus station, not wherever it was they were going. "Threatening doesn't count as convincing!" the bus driver exclaimed, but Beireia told him to shut up. At the Bus station, she made the driver get into a different bus. "Alright" she said "let's go." But he explained that she needed a different driver, he did not know where the cable provider was, since it was not on his route. Her patience exhausted, Beireia did not do this, instead simply kicking him out of the bus, and driving away with it herself. The bus was difficult to drive, but it was so big, it didn't matter if she hit things, especially since the engine is in the back, and does not break if you ram something. Eventually Beireia found the building she had been searching for, and she jumped out of the battered bus. There was much more noise coming from it than she had expected, but the sign said TCI cable, so she was at the right place. Inside, she saw a number of office workers battling each other. Most of them were wearing jackets or coats with a large logo of a winged tiger and a large sword on the back. The jackets read: Barura Advertising, Acquisition Department Stormtroopers. The office people who wore these jackets had captured and tied up several of the others, who were probably the TCI workers. All over the building, workers had overturned desks, and were throwing things at the opposing workers. The Barura people had the advantage in numbers, and were better equipped, with radios and nets and such. They performed relatively coordinated flanking manuevers on the TCI desk-reinforced positions. The TCI workers, disorganised and baffled by the attack, quickly fell to the Barura stormtroopers.
Beireia had watched the battle with interest, and when it was over, approached the leader of the Barura advertising stormtroopers. "Hey, do you know where Chappy Chappy is?" she asked. The leader was surprised by the question. "If you mean Mister Prologue, he's heading the invasionary force at Corpco Inc." she replied. "I'm going over there myself in a minute, I can give you a ride." Before that, however, the stormtrooper's commander, Miss Transpacitance, had to gather all of TCI's local currency reserves. Once the safe was emptied, she appointed a subordinate commander, and established an occupying force from the remaining troops. Beireia helped carry the bags of money to Miss Transpacitance's car, and they took off. At an intersection, as they passed through a green light, a large black car slammed into them. Because they were wearing their seat belts, they were OK. Remember, always wear your seat belt. Beireia and Miss Transpacitance climbed out of her stricken car and noticed that it was too badly damaged to drive. "Well, I have to get there. I guess we'll have to take someone else's car." the greatly empowered secretary thought aloud. Beireia, noticing the lack of damage on the large black car, grabbed the money bags, and proposed they take it. "Hi!" she exclaimed, bludgeoning the Devil savagely with one of the sacks. The little demon was outraged by this offense. "Hey! that's The Man! you can't hit him!" Beireia tossed him, as well as the car's other passenger out of the car. Honeycut protested loudly, but when Beireia noticed who it was, she only mocked her. Miss Transpacitance hopped in, and they continued on their way. Honeycut further berated Satan, lord of lies, for his mediocrity. The Dark Prince was not discouraged however, rather happy that he would be able to steal another car. "I'll have to covet it first, though" he added.
At Corpco, Inc., the company with the stupid name, the fighting had already been concluded. The advertising folk were warned by the previous assault on TCI, and had the advantage in numbers. However, due to Chappy Chappy's genius tactics, such as beating most of them up himself, they quickly fell. Miss Transpacitance called out to him. "Hey! Mr. Prologue! We defeated the lowly dogs of TCI, here is all of their money!" Chappy was dressed in a button down shirt, a tie, tied in a square knot, and a suit jacket with the sleeves torn off, and the Barura logo embroidered on the back. He was happy to learn about his company's victory over the cable company. "Ha Ha! yes! that is my name! Pay no attention to the word Chappy on my shirt!" Since he seemed not to notice, his secretary again informed him that they had the money from TCI. "Good work, secretary. That will allow us to make several more commercials!" Beireia remembered then that she had been left out of all the excitement. She asked Chappy why this was, but he could not remember. Changing the subject, he led Beireia to another area. The employees of Corpco were going to be converted to the Barura ideology, and Chappy was needed to oversee the operation. A smooth talking Barura office dweller had got a prisoner to tell how irritating it was when the clients constantly interfered with the execution of an advertising campaign, and was trying to convince him that it was okay to make the commercials first, and force the company to pay for it. The worker did not convert easily "But they shouldn't have to pay for a commercial they didn't want!" he protested. The other replied that everyone wanted a commercial, they just won't admit it, and it continued on like that. Chappy informed Beireia that, with the conquest of the cable server, they would no longer have to pay for time slots to run their commercials, they could air them themselves. Beireia was still angry, and asked how this justified leaving her behind. Chappy decided that he had heard enough of that sort of question, and did not answer. Before Beireia had time to get angry, however, the reknowened reporter Shoko Togakushi appeared to get a live interview with the man behind the radical changes taking place in the Galvetron economy, Altair Prologue. She asked him the usual questions, like what is your favorite color, and then got down to business. "Aren't you concerned that you will be arrested and your company destroyed by the government, since your expansionist tactics are really really illegal?" she asked. Chappy laughed and explained that he had the most powerful army of lawyers in the world, including invicible Associate Banana, The Ultimate Lawyer! That being the case, he feared neither lawsuit nor litigation.
After a few more questions, Shoko Togakushi brought out economic analyst Richard Gill to explain the economic implications of Barura's bold moves. When this too was finished, her cameraman began to pack up his equipment and they prepared to move on. "I'm going to investigate a rash of car thefts, apparently this girl and The Devil are stealing cars and then crashing them. It sounds dangerous, but I'm not scared" she explained before leaving. After the news crew had left, Beireia remembered her encounter with Honeycut Posterino and Dark Lord Satan. Connecting this incident with Shoko Togakushi's reason for leaving, she reached the conclusion that those two were up to something. She explained to Chappy that they must act quickly to stop the reporter. Without requesting an explanation of any kind, Chappy changed out of the Altair Prologue disguise and into the familiar Chappy regalia, then exited the building by way of the window, diving headfirst into the concrete sidewalk 65 stories below. Beireia, who had taken the elevator, chastised him for his graceless landing. "You're supposed to keep your back straight!" she asserted, digging him out of the crater. Once this was done, she sent him around to intercept Shoko Togakushi, while she took the Bananamobile around to catch up. Chappy Chappy made haste, and reached the corner of the building before Shoko and her news crew. Drawing upon his knowledge of such situations, gained through many hours of watching Looney Toons and the like, he extended his leg, while keeping the majority of his body concealed by the bulk of the office building. However, the news van was not thrown end over end by the resulting collision, but instead rolled over Chappy's leg. Although he was in exquisite pain, since Chappy's leg only encountered the right wheels on the van, he did succeed in flipping it over onto it's side. As the news crew clambered out of their stricken van, Chappy tried to twist his grimace of agony into a happily surprised smile, intending to pose as a randomly passing-by Chappy. "Oh! hello there, Shoko! how do you do?" he said. The addressed reporter was upset at the inexplicable wreck she had just been in, but remained cheery "Hello, Chappy Chappy, I'm okay, but now I cannot get to the next story I was supposed to cover. Chappy explained that an ambulance ought to show up shortly to tend to his damaged leg. Because ambulances don't have any sort of injury radar, this failed to happen. "I think you have to call them or something" Miss Togakushi offered. At this moment, however, Beireia arrived in the Bananamobile. "Well! fancy meeting you here, Shoko! looks like you could use a ride!" she exclaimed in a fakey-sounding voice, also giving Chappy a wink to indicate that all was going according to plan. Unfortunately, Beireia was unsure of her aim, and used a wide-angle wink, confounding the male members of the news team, and making it necessary for Chappy to subdue them. "Hey! that was unnecessary!" Shoko exclaimed, but she withdrew the statement after rereading the previous setence.
The trio proceeded to the last reported scene of Honeycut's crimes, but she was not there. Locating them was no problem, because The Devil never managed to get very far before wrecking a car, a trail of destruction revealled his path. The mangled vehicles blocked their way in several places, however. This was not a problem, as Chappy Chappy volunteered to hurl them out of the way. "Only hurl the ones that are wrecked" Shoko corrected "It's no good if someone's inside." All their efforts were in vain, however, becuase neither Honeycut Posterino, nor the Demonic Prince of Hades were there. I will relate to you the previous events which led to this situation. Honeycut had been up for a very long time, and it was now quite late in the night, she was tired. She told the Devil to quit his ridiculous antics and drive her home so she could sleep. He suggested that they instead should rent a room and "live in sin". Upon hearing this last of his many stupid comments, Honeycut found her patience completely exhausted. "I don't know why I teamed up with you! You're worthless! To hell with you, devil!" and sure enough, he vanished in a burst of brimstone. She then drove home and went to sleep. So, Shoko Togakushi did not find her story at the end of the trail of destruction, nothing out of the ordinary at all. They got out to investigate, but in vain, for all their searching was fruitless. Dissappointed, Chappy and Beirea also noticed the late hour. Shoko called out, begging them to come back and give her a ride. "Or at least help me carry all this equipment!!" she pleaded. Apologetically they did just that. "Hey! I didn't mean steal it! Hey!" Shoko could not make herself heard this time, Chappy was too occupied with plans for the expansion in the advertisement schedule Shoko Togakushi's generous gift made possible.
Early the next morning, Chappy Chappy received a call to work, his presence was required at a business strategy meeting. Robo-Robot, who had taken the call expressed amazement that Chappy remembered the phone number for long enough to give it to someone. Offended, he explained that, through a special deal with the telephone company, the number for the Banana house was, quite simply, one. "Hmmm... what kind of a 'deal' did you make?" the mechanized boy asked suspiciously. He did not get an answer, however, because Chappy's attention had been caught by a number of gears, springs, bolts, and other such mechanical stuff that had been continuously falling out of Robo-Robot's pant leg. Beireia's arrival distracted him and prevented comment. "I don't want to go to a stupid meeting" she decided after the situation had been described. Chappy drove alone to the Barura building, parked the Bananamobile, and walked in. Lurking in wait for him behind a car was Honeycut Posterino, who had seen Shoko Togakushi's report early that morning. However, for some unknown reason, Chappy had rather coincidentally expected her to attack, and before she did, he suddenly turned on her, Vedic Blade in hand. Honeycut was forced to duck behind her Fabulousness shield to protect herself. Chappy was baffled when he failed to cut through the mighty shield, and so, rather than go around, or pull it away from her, he continued to hammer at it, intending to show it who was boss. Thinking quickly, Honeycut propped the shield up with a crowbar and circled around Chappy while he was occupied with her decoy. She kicked him savagely in the back of his knee, and in accordance to ancient tradition, exclaimed: "you hungry!" In accordance to the same ancient tradition, Chappy's knee buckled, but he overdid it, and fell on his back. Seeing that her opponent was defenseless, Honeycut shot Chappy, firing several times, and hitting him in the head. Chappy Chappy was infuriated. Leaping to his feet, he chased after her, screaming all sorts of unintelligible threats. In desperation, Honeycut threw the golden-brown, crisp and buttery eggo waffle that she was going to use to bribe Satan at Chappy's feet, hoping to distract him. Although her antagonist did not notice the waffle, she was saved as Chappy stepped directly on it, slipping and falling on his back once again. Once he noticed the waffle, Chappy grinned in delight and ate it slowly, savoring every bite.
Inside, Chappy Chappy explained to his loyal employees that the business strategy was to destroy their enemies and steal their power, adding to the holy might of Barura, Inc. He made a speech that was not long, but made up for its brevity by being extremely difficult to follow. All the other senior advertising executives were filled with inspiration, and rushed out to make policy, strengthening their parent organization into a vicious killing machine, an insatiable eater-of-corporations. Secretary Transpacitance commented once they had left. "Sir, several companies are organising defenses against our acquisition department. We will have to do something to correct for this, or their effectiveness will be severely compromised." Contrary to what you may have assumed from my previous writings, Chappy was no idiot. His major stumbling block that prevented him from coming across as intelligent as he truly was, was his amazing inability to pay attention to things. Most of the data that normal people constantly absorb and use to further their personal goals, this data was rejected by Chappy's isolationist sensory cortex. As a result, he is almost completely cut off from reality, resulting in an enormous number of poor decisions. This is, in fact, a hereditary trait. Those few of Chappy's ancestors who managed to survive had to be exceptionally strong and durable to do so, this is why Chappy has his super powers. In this case, however, the situation at hand had been carefully spelled out by someone who was aware of his attention deficit, so he was able to reason at 100% of his capability. "I have a plan!" he exclaimed. "While all the other puny companies cringe in fear of our incomprehensible might, rather than wasting our efforts attacking a well prepared enemy, we will be training our stormtroopers to the very extent of their ability. The other companies will be too committed to maintaing a defense to perform their usual functions. As they crumble around us, we will be flourishing in a market with negligible competition. Then, when they have become too drained by their vigilence to resist us effectively, we will sweep in, and snatch all of their assets! Ha Ha Ha!" Having thought rationally far longer than he was used to, Chappy continued to laugh maniacally, oblivious to all esle. Miss Transpacitance saw that she would get no more advice from her employer, and left to implement his strategies.
As Chappy Chappy's brain returned to its usual chaotic fever, Beireia was having a rational moment of her own. Realizing that Honeycut Posterino would surely continue her efforts to take the Bananamobile, and also realizing that she, as well as the rest of the Banana clan, would soon forget all about the thieving girl, she decided that some sort of security measures had to be taken. She consulted many of the ancient tomes which she and Chappy had discovered on their many voyages. One book, even older than most of the others, suggested summoning a demon to guard the car from theives. It also suggesting summoning demons as a solution to a variety of other problems. The author was apparently very enthusiastic about summoning demons. "What a jackass" Beireia commented, but decided to follow his advice anyway. The process for summoning a demon varied depending on the power of the demon to be summoned. "That girl probably couldn't handle even a weak one, but if I'm going to go to the trouble of summoning a demon, I may as well do it right." she reasoned. Following the instructions of the magical text, Beireia drew an enourmous summoning circle in the basement of the Banana house. The spell to summon the demon next required various crystals, which Beireia knew could be found in the geology section of the museum of natural history. Packing her bag, she hopped into the Bananamobile and drove off. "What are you doing, Beireia?" Tatanya Positronic asked, since Chappy had taken the Bananamobile earlier, and Beireia had hopped into the driveway, and not actually driven anywhere. Embarrassed, she tried to think of a way to get out of explaining that she had forgotten to check to see if the car was there before trying to get into it. When a suitable excuse failed to present itself, she decided instead to bribe Tatanya to keep her quiet. The youngest Banana was overjoyed to have a whole bagful of snack food, even though it was just food from the Banana's pantry, packed into a bag by Beireia. Deciding that it would be best to leave before Tatanya noticed this fact, Beireia hurried off the estate, and headed down Boogagy road toward the bus stop.
For the sake of brevity, a good friend of mine, I will skip Beireia's crystal gathering expedition. She got them all rather uneventfully, and proceeded to the next task. That one was uneventful, too, so I won't even say what it was. By the time she had finished that one, Chappy Chappy had returned from his day at work, bringing the Bananamobile with him. Honeycut Posterino had followed him, however, planning to steal the Bananamobile while he and his allies ate their dinner. Beireia was not behaving expectedly, expectedly, and went to complete the next phase of the summoning procedure, taking the Bananamobile. Banana Manor has a very large front lawn, and if Honeycut had run when she heard Beireia's approach, she would have been spotted. Frantically, she hid in the trunk, hoping to escape later. Beireia did not notice, and set off for the hospital, intending to steal a large amount of blood. She had consided killing things and taking their blood, but she did not want to get it all over her, and decided stealing would be easier. When she got to the hospital, all the parking spaces were taken, forcing her to wedge the Bananamobile in under another, smaller car. This also, of course made it impossible for Honeycut Posterino to open the trunk enough to get out, though she had plenty of air. Beireia had little trouble stealing the blood, since everyone at the hospital recognized and feared her. Annoyed at the lack of challenge, Beireia made a mental note to wear a disguise next time, so the police and such would not be so scared, and try to resist. Beireia returned to the car, and threw the bags of blood into the trunk, too disappointed by this quest to notice that her enemy was hiding inside. She then drove back home, denying her stowaway any chance of escape. When she arrived and retrieved the blood, however, Honeycut did not elude Beireia's gaze. With a sadistic laugh of derision, she snatched the girl up and carried her down to the basement. "How fortuitous! I found a sacrifice!" she exclaimed. Honeycut struggled, but her feeble thrashings had no impact on her captor's inhuman might. Beireia placed Honeycut on the altar, and then tied her to it when she tried to run away. Beireia raised the kitchen knife above her head, Honeycut screamed in terror, but the killing blow did not come, for Beireia could not remember the words of the incantation. "What is it you say before you do the sacrifice?" she wondered aloud. Honeycut didn't know, and wouldn't have said if she did, so Beireia had to consult the ancient tome again. "Well, what do you know?" she asked, surprised. "There is no incantation, because there is no sacrifice! I must have imagined that part!" Amused, she flung her unnecessary captive out, still tied up. "I guess there wasn't much point in sacrificing her, anyway, since I was summoning the demon to defend against her."
As these events were transpiring, Robot the human was furiously working off his ecxess calories. Finally, he had returned to his former build, and could begin his escape plan. "Since Clawson is an idiot..." he schemed, "I'll just walk right out". And he then did just that. However, he was stopped by some robotic minions. "Halt Batman!" they said. Robot didn't want to, so he just knocked them down and trod over them, they were the same cardboard cutouts as before. However, he was stopped by an old man. "Halt Batman!" Clawson said. Robot didn't want to, so he just knocked him down and trod over him. "Take that, you stupid old man!" he said. And though all obstacles had been cleared, Robot was unable to find his way out of the labyrinthian complex. After he had passed through the same corridor for the fourth time, he threw his hands up in disgust. "Stop walking on me!" Clawson screamed. Robot wistfully theorized that he could easily tunnel through the ceiling if only he had a turbo leg. Overcome with frustrantion, the young lad ranted at his legs, cursing them for their meager tunnelling capabilities. Clawson cackled his evil cackle, and bragged about his fortress. "Of course you cannot tunnel out of here with those puny legs of yours! Only one of my turbo legs could pierce these walls!" It was pretty dumb of him to say that, because Robot then realized that there were plenty of turbo legs at his disposal, and freedom awaited as soon as he could find one.